Monday, June 3, 2013

Never Be Intimidated: Speaking of Motivation for Success

Sometimes we need to change the scale we're using to measure those around us. Too often too many of us are intimidated by our boss or our boss's boss or our boss's boss's boss. Why?

Why are we intimidated by any prominent person? We all understand that no matter how intelligent or rich or powerful or good looking or famous we ourselves are, we have a full assortment of insecurities and fears, of weaknesses and regrets. But we sometimes have trouble believing that the same is true of others--especially those who are more intelligent, powerful, rich, good looking, etc. than we are.

You and I have difficulty discerning the difference in intelligence between a collie and a Dalmatian. I always thought that if someone came to Earth from some other planet, they would have difficulty distinguishing what appear to us to be vast differences between us. And in that most prized and prideful characteristic of humanity--intelligence--someone from Alpha Centuri might have trouble telling the difference between an Einstein and a village idiot. On the Alpha Centurian's scale, the distinction could be tiny.

Certainly on any absolute scale of all there is to know, none of us know much.

"I used to be intimidated by prominent people," an extremely successful high tech entrepreneur says. "Until I met one of our most respected television icons. Not only did he obviously put his pants on one leg at a time, he'd forgotten to pull up his fly. He was very gracious, but nothing else he could have done would have set me so completely at ease. We're all human--and clay feet are endemic to the breed."

Tip: Neither Ryan Gosling's nor Angelina Jolie's good looks make them better than you--just better looking.

Tip: Warren Buffett's billions don't make him better. Nor does Bill Gates' money, fame and power.

Mother Theresa was probably better than you. And better than me. So is the guy who donated a kidney to help a complete stranger. But both you and I are far more likely to be intimidated by wealth, fame, or looks than we are by those who are actually better people than we are.

Why are we more intimidated by human beings who are successful--successful by standards we often insist we don't hold--than by those who are successful as human beings?

If you want a value check, consider this. A man becomes rich. Maybe he even stole the money. Or maybe he won the lottery. Maybe the lottery machine at the 7-11 selected the winning numbers, so he didn't even accomplish that on his own. Still, all of a sudden everyone starts treating this guy better. That may be understandable. We'd all like to get a piece of those winnings, even if it's just a tiny piece. So maybe we're sucking up to him. Not commendable perhaps, but understandable.

What's less understandable is that we also start thinking of this guy as a more valuable, more worthwhile person. We respect him more. We ask his opinion and his advice, and we actually pay attention to it. We're flattered and honored to be in his company.

We have a higher regard for people with money. And that's true even if they simply made their money the old fashioned way: by inheriting it. It's even more true if they're old money, which might well mean that no one in their family has done much of anything constructive--anything of any social value--for generations.

Tip: Sometimes changing the scale involves a value check.